An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water.
He’s about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby.
“Dinnae drink oot the river, it’s foo o’ sheep pish!”
The Englishman looks confused and replies, “
I’m sorry, my good man, I didn’t understand a word of that!
I’m English and on a walking holiday!”
The shepherd smirks and says, “I said use both hands; you’ll get more water that way!”