Perhaps the advice from this classic rom-com is a little out of date, being that the film is now 11 years old, but the basic principles still apply—yet we still all hate to hear it.
It’s much easier to make excuses for someone rather than accept the fact that they just aren’t that into you. We blame the fact that they’re busy with work, scared of commitment, or just a reserved person, which is much easier for us to accept than knowing that they just don’t like you all that much.
But the truth is, if a guy really liked you and really wanted to be with you, he would text, he would show up, and he would make the effort. It hurts to hear, but better you face the truth than waste your time on a guy that isn’t fully invested. You deserve better, and there will be someone out there that is willing to give you better. So stop making excuses for him and find yourself a guy who doesn’t make you doubt how much they like you.
Regardless of if you’re a few weeks or a few years into something, these signs can apply at any stage of a relationship. It’s time to stop making up excuses, fake scenarios, and ‘what if’s’ and just accept that he’s just not that into you! (That being said, please don’t walk away from a five-year relationship because they do one of the things on this list! Apply some personal context first.)
1. He never texts first
I strongly believe we should not engage in the whole who should text first game. You do not have to take turns or wait for him to contact you. If you want to text him then do it, regardless of who’s turn it is! That being said, it may be a warning sign if you are always the one to initiate conversation. If we apply a little sexual bias here, we can assume that women are generally more chatty and perhaps put a little of it down to him not being much of a texter. But remember, if he was really into you, he would want to know how you are, he would want to arrange to see you and he would want to engage in small talk about your day. And if he isn’t much of a texter, he would pick up the phone and call you! We can excuse their poor communication skills a little, but if he never messages first, then perhaps he’s just not that into you.
2. He never asks you questions about yourself
If someone genuinely likes you, they will want to know everything about you. They will ask questions not only about your day but about your past, your family, and your likes and dislikes, (particularly when you are just starting out). If the questions always seem one-sided then perhaps he’s not that bothered about getting to know you.
3. He never makes an effort
Particularly during the beginning of a relationship, both parties should be putting in maximum effort to win each other over. Effort doesn’t necessarily mean fancy dinners or expensive gifts, but it does mean showing you that he cares. Does he ever make plans for you, cook for you, or send you a message when he’s thinking about you? Or is he just along for the ride, hoping to get by with minimum effort? In which case he’s probably not all that bothered if he has you in his life or not.
4. He’s never introduced you to anyone
Being introduced to the friends and family is a fairly big step, so don’t write them off if they haven’t done this yet. This generally means they see some kind of future with you, enough to want to introduce you to the most important people in their life. If you’re several months in and they haven’t even mentioned you to anyone, then it could mean they aren’t all that serious about you. Perhaps they want to be completely sure where it’s going before taking this step, so don’t be too hasty to assume they aren’t that into you. They might just be biding their time and making sure you’re heading in the right direction.
5. You’re always plan B
If he never fully commits to plans with you, it could be because he is waiting to see what other (potentially better) options come along. So instead, he’ll keep you on the backburner in case his other plans fall through. You don’t want to be someone’s plan B. If he likes you, he will want to spend time with you. He may be a popular guy, but he’ll find the time if he’s really that into you.
Don’t waste your time on guys who aren’t giving you what you want. You deserve someone who wants to know you, spend time with you and texts first every now and then! And if it turns out he isn’t that into you, don’t take it personally. Not everyone is going to be 100% compatible and 100% head over heels for you. It can be hard to see it and even harder to accept it, but if he’s just not that into you, then walk away and find someone who is.