It’s 2am and the doorbell rings

It's 2am and the doorbell rings

I run downstairs and open the door. There’s a bloke there looking a bit desperate and says, “I know it’s really late, but can you give me a push”.

I tell him to piss off and I go back to bed.

Wife asks who it was – I tell her. She says I’m a right cunt for not helping and I should give him a push.

I shoot back down stairs and out the front looking for the car,

I can’t see him so I yell out “where are you” he replies, “I’m over here on the swing”.