Juan was a simple man who lived in a small rural town with his family consisting of himself, his wife, his daughter and his son. Juan had three rules for his family that he enforced strictly. Those three rules were: no drugs, no smoking and no swearing. Juan’s family was all too happy to follow these rules, and as a result, Juan had a perfect family. Because of these rules, Juan’s family never fought or bickered or lied or hurt each other.
One day, Juan’s neighbour got curious as to how Juan kept such a perfect family, and he wanted his own family to be as perfect. Juan’s neighbour asked Juan how he kept such a perfect family, and Juan said, “how about you come over to dinner with us tonight. We’ll cook you up a lovely meal and I’ll share my rules with you”. Juan’s neighbour came over that evening and enjoyed a delicious feast, and when they were done, Juan pulled his neighbour aside and explained to him, “I have three rules for my family: no drugs, no smoking, and no swearing. As a result, I have a perfect family” Juan’s neighbour thought that this was genius, and ran home to tell his family about it. Within a month, Juan’s neighbour had a family just as perfect as his own.
The mayor of Juan’s city took notice of the two perfect families in Juan’s relatively small neighbourhood, and decided that he needed to learn a thing or two from this man in order to help win the next election. The mayor took a visit to Juan’s house and knocked on his door. Upon answering the door, the mayor asked to be invited inside to talk with Juan. Juan put the kettle on and pulled up a couple chairs for them to sit on. After making small talk, the mayor went ahead and asked Juan about his family. Juan enjoyed a hearty laugh before looking to the mayor with a smile on his face, and explained to him, “that’s an easy one Mr. Mayor, because you see I have three rules for my family: no drugs, no smoking, and no swearing”. The mayor loved the sound of these rules, and ran back to his office to draft up his new campaign promises involving these rules. The mayor won by a landslide, implemented the new rules to Juan’s city, and within the week Juan’s city was perfect. There were no more holes in the roads, tourism was at an all time high, and all of the residents were genuinely happy and they all began opening their own successful small businesses.
Soon enough the president of Juan’s country took notice of the perfect city, and realized that if he could possibly scale up the city’s policies to a national level, he might be able to remedy many of the country’s issues. The president scheduled a meeting with the mayor and flew down to meet him. Upon asking the mayor about his policies, however, the mayor said, “oh no no, I’m not the one you should be asking about that. Let me introduce you to my friend Juan; they’re his rules, and he’ll tell you all about them”. The mayor gave the president directions to Juan’s place, and the president set off in his limo. The president arrived, walked up to Juan’s front door flanked by his security detail, and knocked on Juan’s door. Upon Juan answering the door, the president began speaking, “Juan, I’ll keep this short and sweet; I’m looking to make some fundamental changes to this country, and I was told that you could provide me with some valuable insight”. Juan was confounded by the presence of the president on his front doorstep, but he began to explain, “well actually, it’s three simple rules I have for my family. My three rules are: no drugs, no smoking, and no swearing”. A slow smile stretched across the president’s face as he exclaimed, “Brilliant, Mr. Juan, I’ll make you a national hero yet”. The president immediately jumped back on his plane, flew back to his office, and started drafting up his new laws. The three new laws were passed without objection, and the country became perfect within a day. Industry was booming, international relations all turned positive, the economy reached an all time high and unemployment reached an all time low.
At this time, all of the surrounding countries began getting very curious, and very hungry for a piece of the fortune enjoyed by Juan’s country. Very soon international spies began reporting back to their respective countries about what they’d found, and all the surrounding countries began implementing Juan’s three rules for their own gain, and the positive changes were visible almost immediately. In only hours after Juan’s three rules came to international attention, the world became perfect. There was no more poverty, no more hunger, no more war and disease, and no more sadness. Juan was elected as the new one world leader for his impeccable reasoning after a unanimous vote, and all of the past world leaders were more than happy to step down for Juan.
The world lived in complete peace and harmony for many years, but after a while people began realizing that they really missed drugs, smoking and swearing. Gradually, a small underground resistance group was formed against Juan and his leadership, and they began scheming on how to take him out. Eventually a plan was conceived, and was put into action several days later. In the middle of the night, several of the resistance fighters broke into Juan’s house, kidnapped him, and loaded him onto their helicopter. They then proceeded to fly out into the desert, where they tied him up to a cactus, and shot him dead with a golf gun.
What’s a golf gun you might ask? Well, I’m not entirely sure but it definitely put a hole in Juan.